Going Through The Shit

For a long time, building the business did not feel like progress. It felt like survival.

Revenue came in, but it was never enough to create stability. Sales would spike, then disappear. Cash was tight more often than not. Every decision felt like it had significant consequences, because it did.

At the same time, life outside the business was not paused. Marriage, kids growing up, extended family, finances, responsibilities, all of it was happening at the exact same time.

It compounded for years, and it seemed like there was no end in sight.

What people do not talk about in entrepreneurship is how exposed that makes you feel. When the business is fragile, you feel it in every conversation. You hesitate to push. You avoid conflict. You let things slide that you know should not.

Not because you do not see the issue, but because you are trying to hold everything together.

You start appeasing people. You keep the peace. You second guess yourself. You question whether you are the problem. You question whether you are capable of doing this at all.

Even when things look like they are working, the tension never leaves. It sits there in the background because it’s never quite resolved.

Every entrepreneur I’ve met goes through this phase. The majority are going through it still, and it lasts longer than people realize.

Early on, there is no margin for error. You are not making much money. You do not have a safety net. You feel like if the wrong person leaves or the wrong client churns, everything will break and you’ll end up homeless and destitute, and you’ll drag all the people you can about down with you.

I’m not exaggerating. That’s really what you think will happen.

So you tolerate things you should not tolerate.

People underperform. Deadlines slip. Behavior drifts. And you say nothing, or you say it too late, or you soften it to the point where it changes nothing.

This is what happens when the business isn’t stable and doesn’t have a stable leader. You are not stable, you are not confident, and you are not leading.

What you are, though, is the problem.

Without confidence, everything becomes dependent on how you feel in the moment. What you are willing to confront. What you are willing to risk.

That is why it feels so heavy. You are carrying every decision yourself, without a fully fleshed out vision for the business, and certainly not for your life.

I had a conversation recently with someone who has been building for over a decade. Different business, same pattern. Kids getting older. Pressure increasing. Business inconsistent. Finances tight.

He is going through the shit.

And the pattern is identical. Not speaking up. Not setting expectations. Smoothing things over. Hoping it improves.

It does not improve.

The turning point is not when the business suddenly and magically starts working better. It’s not when you hire that dream employee and it’s not when you land that dream client who throws money at you.

The turning point is when you stop operating like you are fragile.

Because most of the time, you are not as vulnerable as you think you are.

You have more options than you give yourself credit for. You have more control than you are exercising.

You’re missing two things; clarity and structure.

Clarity in what you actually want. And not just in business … in your life. Not what you tolerate. Not what you inherited. Not what is expected of you. I mean, what you want.

Structure in how you communicate what you want, the boundaries you establish, and the enforcement of those boundaries. This structure must be applied through your life.

Once that exists, everything changes.

You once were the problem. Now you become the solution.

You stop negotiating with every situation. You stop hoping people interpret things the same way you do. You stop hinting to people about what you want them to do. You start getting explicit.

You start leading.

That does not mean becoming aggressive or difficult. It means becoming clear, direct, and explicit. You don’t have to be a jerk about. You can still be direct while also being empathetic. You don’t have to turn into an asshole … you can still be nice and clearly establish what you will tolerate.

When someone says “end of week,” instead of thinking to yourself when exactly it’ll happen, you instead ask them to define what that means. Is that Friday at 5 pm, or is it really first thing Monday morning? Don’t assume and await disappointment. Ask.

When behavior is off, address it. When something does not make sense, state what seems like the obvious disconnect. Ask questions.

At first, it feels uncomfortable. After all, who do you think you are?

You assume people will react negatively. In reality, doing these things brings clarity not only to you, but to others. They probably don’t really understand what they are committing to when they say end of week, and it’s almost guaranteed to not align with what you think it means. Ask for clarity. If they push back, insist on clarity. And if they refuse, then you have your answer and you know where you stand.

Not letting things slides ironically reduces friction more than it creates it, and it greatly reduces your stress while increasing your confidence.

The right people align with your vision.

And the rest? They become obvious, as is the action that you need to take. If they don’t align with you, with what you want out of your business, your life, then they are holding you back. They are not a fit. They probably never were and never will be.

That’s ok. In fact, it’s great. Now you know. Let them be themselves. But they can’t do it here. Let them off the hook, so you can both move on. Let them go.

Before you know it, your business will begin to stabilize because expectations are no longer implied. Do it at home and elsewhere and those relationships will either stabilizer or you’re know exactly what kind of relationship you’re really in.

And then, slowly but surely, you’re free.

This is not a rapid transformation. It took you a lifetime to get yourself into this situation, and it will take years to get through to the other side.

Unfortunately, most operators don’t get to this stage. Not because they lack capability, but because they never transition out of that early survival pattern.

They keep managing around problems instead of resolving them. And they keep avoiding the “hard” conversations, which ironically, aren’t that hard to have once you’ve got your mind right.

They sacrifice their business and themselves to not be uncomfortable.

But the issues never go away. They’re never addressed.

The shift is structural, and it’s internal. Spend time alone. Think about why you do the things you do. Why do you react the way you do? What’s really going on inside your head?

Embrace the discomfort. Embrace what you discover about yourself. Talk to a therapist. They’ll help you unpack your own behavior.

Then, define what you want. Communicate it clearly. Operate consistently, and address out-of-line behaviors in others.

That is what moves you out of the shit.

If you fix this, everything else gets easier.

~ Erik J. Olson